The Watchers

The Watchers
Showing posts with label arnold schwarzenegger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label arnold schwarzenegger. Show all posts

Friday, 24 April 2020

The Watchers' Feelgood Films (Part 3) - Sci-Fi Special


It is Friday, so we are back with another instalment of The Watchers' Feelgood Films, to guide you through the weekend. 

This one is a sci-fi special! We look at a clutch of films featuring aliens, cyborgs and creatures from galaxies far, far, away which help make The Watchers feel a little bit better. 

Matt recommends...


Aliens (1986) and Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)

Dir: James Cameron
Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Michael Biehn, Lance Henriksen and Bill Paxton; Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong and Robert Patrick

As Sarah Michelle Gellar says in Scream 2, “You got a hard-on for Cameron”. I am pairing these two together because, while they both feature some savagely creative violence (Aliens’ chest bursting scene – just as repulsive as Hurt’s – and the T-1000’s many talents with liquid metal), they both make you feel like punching your fist in the air when the credits roll.

You forget, sadly, with Titanic and Avatar, what a great writer Cameron once was. A master of big budget effects and filmmaking, certainly, but the man could also craft a great story.

Aliens is perfectly written. It is the go-to textbook for any horror film with a cast who will all eventually be killed off: make them likeable, attention-grabbing, relatable (Aliens’ influence is all over Neil Marshall’s Dog Soldiers). When a marine bites the dust, a tiny lump forms in your throat. Bill Paxton’s Hudson being dragged away, or Vasquez and Gorman blowing themselves up are heartrending scenes.

What makes Aliens stand out as a classic, however, is Ripley’s transformation; she stops running and literally fights her monsters. You are on her side one-hundred-percent, and when Ripley destroys the aliens’ nest and goes toe-to-toe with the Alien Queen, it’s supremely satisfying to watch.

Many directors have tried to imitate Terminator 2, but fall at the first hurdle; they forget that T2 is not just about fighting cyborgs. James Cameron and William Fisher’s script is faultless. Making Schwarzenegger’s T-100 the sequel’s hero was a massive gamble; there must have been many a heated discussion at TriStar. Cameron and Fisher confidently deliver complex and emotional character arcs, with John Connor and the T-100 both complementing each other. The role of father figure frequently swaps between the two characters; Connor teaches the T-100 how there is more to his existence than just killing, while the T-100 becomes a better father and friend than any human.

Linda Hamilton’s impact as Sarah Connor cannot be downplayed. She transforms from a frightened mass of hair in the first film, to a complex mother/soldier who must start from scratch in connecting with her son. When John goes to hug his mother for the first time in years, rather than hug him back, she pats him down to check he has not been wounded.

There is a tension in Terminator 2 that none of the sequels have been able to replicate. This is largely down to Robert Patrick’s T-1000. Patrick might be a matchstick compared to Schwarzenegger, but you watch the film wondering how the hell Sarah, John, and the T-100 are going to terminate this thing! Patrick’s cold stare is frightening, and the liquid metal effects – an 8-bit SNES game compared to the CGI saturated blockbusters of today – still hold up.

Both films have brilliant, quotable dialogue. Most of Aliens’ one-liners are courtesy of the fantastic Bill Paxton (“Game over, man! Game over!” “Stop your grinnin’ and drop your linen!”), while you’re never more than a minute away from a sound bite in T2 (“Say, that’s a nice bike.”).

With Aliens and Terminator 2, Cameron gave us two of the most iconic sequels to ever grace the screen. Dust them down and you will realise just how immaculate they are: films that, tragically, cinema audiences will never see the like of again.

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Rhys recommends...


The Star Wars Saga (1977-2019)

Dir: George Lucas (I-IV), Irvin Kershner (V), Richard Marquand (VI), J.J. Abrams (VII, IX), Rian Johnson (VIII)
Starring: Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, John Boyega, Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver and Oscar Isaac

For me, there is one go to franchise for myself when I want to shut off the outside world and feel good- that, of course, is Star Wars! I grew up watching the original holy trinity and then I was in my 20s when Lucas brought us the prequel trilogyYou can take a look at the old blog items I did on both of these for hints and tips- if you need them! 

My top tip for a feel good escape- go check out or rewatch the Star Wars saga. Lockdown was made for this franchise of films! Once you’ve done that, watch Rogue One, and Solo, and all eight episodes of The Mandalorian

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So, these recommendations will keep you busy. This is also a heads up- Rhys has been able to write up his thoughts about the Star Wars sequel trilogy (Episodes VII-IX) so they'll be coming to the blog very very soon! 

Friday, 8 November 2019

Review: Terminator: Dark Fate (UK Cert 15)


When Sarah Connor prevented Judgment Day, she changed the future and re-wrote the fate of humanity. Two decades on from that fateful day, a young Mexican woman called Daniella Ramos has her life upended when a ruthless new Terminator travels back in time to hunt and kill her. Luckily, she's got some help in the form of an augmented human (who has also travelled back in time) and Sarah herself...

Directed by Tiim Miller (Deadpool) and with a story co-written by James Cameron, there was anticipation that Cameron's return to the Terminatorverse would provide the much-needed spark to lift the franchise from the doldrums it's found itself in. Honestly, I saw the film more than a week ago and it's taken me this long to formulate what I think about it (and muster up the required enthusiasm to write about it). That should tell you something.

The first third of the film is strong, well-paced, and intermittently thrilling (a few very obvious CGI moments aside). Mackenzie Davis gives a decent turn as Grace, the augmented human from the future sent back to protect Dani. There's a couple of interesting choices made with Grace's character- such as her needing a cocktail of medicine to survive- even if it's a bit predictable as to how she is the one to be sent back. Natalia Reyes is also pretty strong as Dani, starting off as a normal girl whose life gets thrown into chaos (and I'm glad the script didn't go down the expected route that Dani is the mother of the next hero, reducing her agency and character to that of an incubator). Also, there's a great thrill in seeing Linda Hamilton back as Sarah Connor - battle-hardened, haunted, but still a bad-ass. So far, so good. 

But, ironically, the wheels fall off it once Arnold Schwarzenegger makes his appearance as the retired T-800 who now goes by the name of Carl. When the uneasy alliance between him and the trio forms, that's when the film loses its shine and becomes another painfully generic middle-of-the-road actioner. 

Schwarzenegger is serviceable, even if the backstory that 'Carl' has been given is all sorts of ridiculous. I was bothered less about that than others (hi, Rhys!) as there's a bizarre kind of narrative sense to it (at least, the beginning of it). But once he comes into the film, it devolves into set-piece after set-piece, and also the CGI starts to get really dodgy and really noticeable. Characterisation seems to go for a burtons as well, and the tension between Sarah and T-800 isn't played to its full strength.

When we talked about it, Matt joked that the film could have been called Terminator: The Force Awakens in that there's the passing of the torch to a new generation (with the old guard in the background). With the film bombing at the box office, it's unlikely that this will now happen. This is the fourth attempt to reboot/restart/reimagine the Terminator franchise and none of them have been successful (which is a shame as Salvation is a pretty strong start). Maybe they should leave it alone?

In conclusion, I realise it's damning the film with faint praise, but I went into the cinema with incredibly low expectations (after the dumpster fire that was Terminator: Genisys) and came out pleasantly surprised in some respects. There were bits I liked, but overall it's just very bland. 

Rating: 2.5 out of 5

Tez

Thursday, 2 July 2015

Edinburgh International Film Festival 2015 - Part One


Averaging four-to-five hours’ sleep a night and surviving off caffeine for a week doesn’t sound like much of a holiday, but when it’s the Edinburgh International Film Festival, I proudly sport my panda eyes and end up on first name terms with the staff at Starbucks (other coffee shops are available in Scotland's capital, but not all of them are right outside the cinema).

The world’s longest running film festival is in its 69th year. It could have been blind luck when I picked what I fancied watching, but 2014 felt like EIFF’s strongest programme for a while. With EIFF, there’s usually a handful of films you'll want to add to your DVD shelf. Last year, almost everything I sat through, bleary-eyed, was well above your average cinema fare. James Ward Byrkit’s directorial debut, Coherence, Uberto Passolini’s Still Life, 2014’s best prison drama, We Are Monster, and my favourite of the festival, Jeff Baena’s Life after Beth were just a small number of highlights.

Disclaimers, Terms and Conditions, etc. etc. Like last year, I was up in Edinburgh for a week, as my wallet, and my body clock, can’t hack any longer. This means I couldn't see every big film of the festival (missing out on Back to the Future, accompanied by a live score, is what I’m most gutted about!), but I tried squeezing every last penny out of my delegate pass. This time I stayed in Edinburgh from the 15th to the 22nd June.


Amy (UK/English dialogue/123 min)

Amy Winehouse passed away in 2011. With her second album, Back to Black, selling millions across the globe, Amy was an easy target, belittled by the media, who portrayed her as a crazed, booze-addled drug addict. Asif Kapadia, director of the Oscar-winning documentary Senna, has compiled hours of home videos, concert footage, and interviews with friends, family, and those within the music industry, to give a thorough and respectful portrait of Winehouse.

Whatever your thoughts of Amy Winehouse, Kapadia immediately puts a line straight through them, showing you films of Amy before she was famous, growing up, messing around with friends, and performing at small venues and auditions, trying to get noticed. You’re introduced to a young woman who says it how it is, hates being the centre of attention, and can go from shy to fiery at the click of a finger.

I saw Winehouse perform, middle of the afternoon, at the Isle of Wight Festival in 2005. Seeing her onstage, nervous, apologising because this was the biggest crowd she had performed to, then singing as loud and passionate as her lungs could manage, made me an instant fan. Playing virtually all of Winehouse’s music, showing the lyrics written out on scraps of paper, who fading in-and-out on the screen, Kapadia makes you appreciate how talented she was, not just as a singer, but as a songwriter, a storyteller. Several times during the film, Amy admits to having depression, using music as her way of coping. Kapadia shows how honest Amy’s writing was, no holding back, wondering if this record will sell, she wrote her heartbreak, her jealousy, her regrets all down, accompanying them with a traditional, stuck-in-your head catchy jazz melody.

Critics, fans, people who knew Amy, will be arguing whether Kapadia’s documentary is unbiased. Amy’s father, Mitch Winehouse, has already given interviews, unhappy with how the family are shown, that they are accused of not giving her the support she needed. When you watch Amy, it’s hard to disagree with Kapadia. During one of many tragic moments, Amy goes to a reclusive island to get clean, inviting only close friends and family. Her father is there, but so is a film crew he has brought along to follow Amy wherever she goes. Amy’s ex-husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, appears, and while you wonder how much of his interview wound up in the documentary, the finger of blame points at him in terms of getting Winehouse hooked on class A drugs, as well as using her as a meal ticket.

As you would expect, Amy is an uncomfortable watch at times. Archive footage early on shows how Winehouse had the sound of great jazz vocalists such as Betty Carter or Dinah Washington; no singers of her generation came close. Later we see the Amy paraded on the news and in newspapers the world over: swaying, mumbling, slurring her words. The scene which brought tears to my eyes was Kapadia’s use of my favourite Winehouse song (in my humble opinion, one of the greatest songs of this century – there’s a reason why Prince sang it at his O2 residency in London), Love is a Losing Game, playing it alongside a montage of photos of Amy, starting off as a beautiful, healthy-looking young woman, then seeing her slim down to next-to-nothing as her drug and alcohol addiction worsens.

Kapadia does not use cheap tricks or cut corners, this is an engrossing, poignant film that gives you a real sense of who Winehouse was, away from the paparazzi and media attention, occasionally making you laugh when you see how casual and straight talking she was (during a TV interview, the journalist compares Winehouse to Dido, suggesting both artists write honest, timeless lyrics. Winehouse is polite enough, but her face says it all). Amy Winehouse was a breath-taking talent, Kapadia doing her every bit of justice.

4 out of 5



Big Gold Dream: Scottish Post-Punk and Infiltrating the Mainstream (UK/English dialogue/94 min)

From a tiny flat in Edinburgh, Bob Last and Hilary Morrison set up Fast Product, a record label that would sign critically acclaimed bands Gang of Four, Joy Division, Dead Kennedys, and The Mekons, before breaking into the mainstream with The Human League and their 1981 Christmas number one, Don’t You Want Me

Writer/director Grant McPhee’s documentary uses interviews from some of the big names in Scotland’s music history to explain how Fast Product, a company set up to give a voice to new, cutting edge talent, ended up reaching across the world.

You can’t help but get caught up in the passion that has gone into this film, McPhee having a genuine love for his subject matter. Everyone he interviews is fired up, explaining everything that went on during Fast Product’s years. It’s an impressive roster including Alan McGee, Bobby Bluebell, Norman Blake and Edwyn Collins to name just a small few.

Fast Product feels like something from a completely different time, distant history; record companies whose priority was putting the music out there, money, making a profit, being miles down the To Do List.

There are some interesting facts and anecdotes in Big Gold Dream. If you thought the best Scottish music from the late-seventies to late eighties came mostly from Glasgow, McPhee makes you think again. Fast Product were a predecessor to Rough Trade – still a record shop when Fast Product was getting all the attention – while Factory Records didn’t even exist.

The trouble with Big Gold Dream is it feels like loads of pats on the back, but not enough content to match. It’s well researched, and you would struggle to find another documentary that gets all the greats from Scotland’s post-punk/indie scene together, but it could easily have been an hour long BBC 4 documentary instead of a ninety-minute long feature.

3 out of 5



Hector (UK/English dialogue/87 min)

Peter Mullan is one of those “what’s his name?” actors; you’ve seen him before, you just can’t remember what in. Mullan is a tragically underrated actor, having played a number of astonishing roles (Tyrannosaur, Channel 4’s Red Riding). Currently taking the lead in BBC 2’s adaptation of Iain Banks’ Stonemouth, hopefully he finally gets the recognition he deserves.

In Hector, Mullan plays the title role, a homeless man making his annual pilgrimage to a London homeless shelter in time for Christmas. On his journey, he tries getting back in touch with his family, with varying degrees of success.

Mullan is both likeable and believable as Hector, the irony being that if he wasn’t this unkempt man sleeping on the streets, you would happily go down the pub with him and chat over a pint. Jake Gavin (who also directs) has come up with a script that does the rare thing of being natural, giving us snapshots of how people interact, whilst holding your attention throughout and occasionally making you laugh. There’s a smart, touching moment when Hector and his brother meet for the first time in fifteen years. Instead of arguing, the brothers carry on as normal, joking with each other; best friends again.

The one scene that felt redundant was Hector explaining how he became homeless. It’s a good minute-long monologue that not only feels out of place, Gavin could easily have got away without it. Otherwise, Hector is a film that gets the mix of warmth and tragedy absolutely right. It’s a sad story, but there’s enough humour and compassion to make you smile and feel less cynical about people.

4 out of 5



It’s Already Tomorrow in Hong Kong (Hong Kong/USA/English and Cantonese dialogue/79 min)

Thirty-somethings Ruby (Jamie Chung) and Josh (Bryan Greenberg) meet one night in Hong Kong. There’s chemistry, an attraction, but the timing is all wrong (Josh lets on he’s in a relationship and the night goes into free-fall). A year later, they bump into each other again. Circumstances have changed, but things are still complicated. Are Ruby and Josh willing to shake up their lives, hurt the people they love, so they can be together?

Romantic dramas, that put love and relationships under the microscope, sink or swim depending on the performances of their leads. Thankfully Chung and Greenberg (engaged in real life) are both convincing; you like them after nearly minute on-screen. Writer/director Emily Ting asked her leads to improvise the dialogue, telling them where each scene starts and ends, then letting the cameras roll. Chung and Greenberg both rise to the challenge, the dialogue intelligent and occasionally making you laugh out loud. While questions about love and fidelity have been asked before (Richard Linklater’s Before Sunrise and its sequels), Ting and her cast put a unique spin on these issues by also discussing Ruby and Josh’s dreams as artists (Ruby wants to be a fashion designer, Josh a novelist), and how life, paying the bills, gets in the way. Watching It’s Already Tomorrow in Hong Kong, you want the two of them to get together, but they meet at the wrong points in their lives. If it had been a year-or-two earlier; different story.

Josh Silfen’s handheld visuals capture the flurry, the clash of cultures (Stella and Carlsberg signs opposite traditional stalls and restaurants), as well as the eccentricity of Hong Kong. You’re shown the well-known tourist spots – Victoria Peak getting plenty of screen time – but you also get a clear sense of what living in Hong Kong would be like, how unique and thriving it is.

My one gigantic issue with Ting’s film is the ending, or lack of it. We stop, at a crucial moment, and are left to make up our own minds. Some call it profound, I call it lazy, Ting taking the easy way out.

While It’s Already Tomorrow in Hong Kong might not have as much to say about relationships as the Before films or Marc Webb’s (500) Days of Summer, it is clever, enjoyable, and bittersweet rather than saccharine.

4 out of 5



Maggie (USA/English dialogue/95 min)

Whenever me and my mates up in Edinburgh mentioned this film, we called it “Arnie versus zombies.” Get any images of Arnold Schwarzenegger cutting down an army of undead with a minigun straight out of your head, Maggie is much more The Walking Dead than Raw Deal.

John Scott 3’s script sees Wade Vogel (Schwarzenegger) caring for his teenage daughter, Maggie (Abigail Breslin – the kid from Zombieland grew up!), who has been bitten by a zombie. As Maggie’s health worsens, Wade has to decide what to do when the inevitable happens.

Maggie could easily have been an episode from AMC’s record breaking TV series, it’s that smart and emotional. While much of the film’s praise has gone to Schwarzenegger, the star of the show here is Breslin. When we first meet Maggie, she is terrified, she does not want to die, yet ends up accepting her fate, making the most of the time she has with friends and her father. Tragically, while father and daughter have always been close, their bond gets stronger as Maggie is dying.

While Schwarzenegger is unlikely to get an Oscar nomination out of Maggie, he proves to critics that he can do more than play a dead-behind-the-eyes machine. While Dutch off of Predator wouldn’t be your first choice to play a kind-hearted, non-violent father, Arnie does a respectable job. Cinematographer Lukas Ettlin gives us plenty of close-ups of Schwarzenegger, his expressions, his reactions, whether it’s father and daughter reminiscing, losing themselves, stopping when they crash back down to earth, or hesitating when having to kill his undead neighbours. Wade is a complicated man, struggling with what to do as his child becomes more walking corpse, less flesh and blood, barley keeping it together; with Arnie there is plenty going on behind the eyes.

Considering Maggie had nowhere near the budget of The Walking Dead, the visuals are just as impressive, each frame filled with muted colours, the landscape – fields and crops – dying as well as the humans, but with tiny glimpses of sunlight breaking through the clouds or gaps in the curtains. While the zombies don’t appear all that often (Maggie has nowhere near the body count of Commando), the make-up and the ways they’re dispatched (Arnie pushes a broom handle all the way through a corpse’s neck) are just as gory as you’d expect, plus Maggie’s transformation as she starts to decay – fingers shrivelling, flesh drying up, veins appearing beneath the skin – is horrible to watch.

While you already know how the film will end, Scott 3 doesn’t make things too predictable. Maggie’s final scene is shuffle round in your seat tense then, cleverly, when you realise what is happening, grabs hold of the heartstrings. It’s cleverly written stuff!

Just when you thought the zombie subgenre had been done to death, John Scott 3 and director Henry Hobson come up with something that respects the traditions first set in stone by George A. Romero, but plays with expectations just enough to give us something pleasingly different. It’s an odd thing to say about a zombie film, but Maggie is gentle and heart-breaking, as well as being skilfully made.

4 out of 5



The Marriage of Reason and Squalor (UK/English dialogue/88 min)

Artist Jake Chapman adapts his novel for the small screen, The Marriage of Reason and Squalor, into a TV series for Sky Arts, starring Sophie Kennedy Clark as Lydia, a young woman who is given a holiday to a remote island as a wedding gift by her fiancé (Rhys Ifans). Once Lydia sets foot on the island, things get strange. Very strange.

I like a film that turns weird all the way up to eleven, making you try and work out what’s happening (Adrian Lyne’s Jacob’s Ladder, David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive, Richard Kelly’s Donnie Darko), but the trick is to tease the audience with clues, portions of narrative, to keep them watching, put up with all the craziness that’s going on. Chapman ignores this completely, following one insane scene with another, creating an incoherent mess that pushes your patience.

You can’t fault the visuals, this is a film where every frame looks fantastic in a David Lynch directs a tropical paperback romance kind of way. You have stop motion animation, grotesque make-up, good use of green screen, stock footage, and clear blue beaches that stretch for miles – just some of the numerous ideas.

As far as the performances go, you can’t help but wonder if everyone involved signed a deal where, the more they overact, the more they get paid. I’ve got a lot of time for Ifans, he’s underrated, but as Helmut Mandragorass he’s so off-the-wall it becomes irritating. It’s like watching the A-level drama diva take centre stage and wishing they would stop. I appreciate Kennedy Clark is playing the clichéd flaky English aristocrat, but it’s a thankless role that she can’t do anything with.

The best way to describe The Marriage of Reason and Squalor is it’s like an undergraduate film student was given a giant bucketful of money to go and make a film. The imagination’s there in the visuals, just not in the script. The strangest thing about Reason and Squalor is Chapman clearly thinks it’s more complex than it really is. Not the worst film of this year’s festival, but close.

2 out of 5



Narcopolis (UK/English dialogue/96 min)

A thriller set in the near future where drugs are legal. It’s dark most of the time and there are blazing neon signs in almost every frame. Blade Runner on a budget: sounds good, right?

Narcopolis could have been one of the best films at this year’s festival, and one of the best British thrillers of 2015. Tragically, director and screenwriter Justin Trefgarne’s script throws everything against the wall and, if it doesn’t stick, it gets put back up anyway. Trefgarne could have picked a handful ideas (the consequences of legalising recreational drugs, drugs that make you time travel, how parents unknowingly scar their children, the public image of global companies compared to what happens behind closed doors – just some of the subtle and not-so-subtle subtext in Narcopolis) and developed them, really made the audience think. Instead, so much is going on, so thinly spread, that you quickly stop caring about what’s happening.

Elliot Cowan (Da Vinci’s Demons) makes a decent enough lead, even if Frank Grieves is your seen-it-all-before burnt out cop with an estranged family. The minute James Callis (Battlestar Gallactica) appears onscreen, posh accent, sharp suit and cunning smile, it’s no great surprise when he turns out to be the villain, while Jonathan Pryce (Brazil, Tomorrow Never Dies) gets little to do as a by-the-numbers scientist; anyone could have played the role.

Narcopolis’ one saving grace is its visuals, Trefgarne pushing his budget as far as it will go. London streets at nightfall, threatening skies and shimmering skyscrapers. While every scene looks typically murky and brooding, Trefgarne gives a strange beauty to his backgrounds; the usual views of London, but with a near-future, off-world twist.

I got bored with Narcopolis. It traipses along, slick visuals and editing trying to distract you from the glaring problem that scarcely any time or attention was spent on the script, that none of the ideas have been thought through or make any sense. Impressive and talented production marred by a below average – dredging up more than a few science fiction clichés – screenplay.

2 out of 5



The Pyramid Texts (UK/English dialogue/Black and White/98 min)

A man giving a monologue to the camera for well over ninety minutes doesn’t sound like something you would happily hand your money over to go and see, but the debut film from The Shammasian Brothers (Ludwig and Paul) is something special.

James Cosmo (another actor who has never received the attention he deserves) plays retired boxer Ray. Setting up a video camera in his gym, he discusses his life, his thoughts, his regrets; the footage meant for his estranged son.

There are a small number of films where you can’t imagine anyone else in the role, anyone doing a performance equally as good. Cosmo does just that in The Pyramid Texts. He deserves awards recognition for his portrayal of Ray, flitting between passion, anger, and tear-jerking regret and being totally believable. This is a father opening up to his son, apologising; you’re engaged from the second Cosmo appears onscreen, right up to the end.

The cinematography is mostly close-ups, Cosmo staring into the camera. Early on Ray explains why he’s recording himself instead of writing a letter: you can see his face, hear the delivery of his words – there is no confusion over what he is saying, what he means. Cosmo’s expressions, his stare, all just as impressive as his dialogue. Shot entirely in black-and-white, this brings extra gravitas to Cosmo’s words. Thanks to some well set up lighting, we see all the lines on his face; Ray has been through the wars, bottled up his thoughts and feelings for years, and finally they all come spilling out.

Originally a stage play, BAFTA Award-winning writer Geoff Thompson’s adaptation is naturalistic, draws you in and, most impressive of all, it’s subtle. The dialogue is emotional, but doesn’t lay it on thick. While Ray is recounting his life, confessing his sins, there’s still a lot that he holds back, Cosmo’s expressions, his gaze, filling in the blanks.

My one and only issue with The Pyramid Texts is the last couple of minutes. Considering how reigned in the rest of the film is, the twist, the real reason why Ray is making this video, is handled with all the consideration of a sledgehammer. You could have had Ray switch off the camera and walk out of the gym; audiences would still have got the message. The film doesn’t come off the rails, but it’s a tiny bit jarring compared to how understated and exceptional the other ninety-odd minutes are: Shakespeare with everyday dialogue.

For the most part, The Shammasian Brothers’ first feature film is a powerful and moving powerhouse; definitely one of the best of this year’s festival.

4 out of 5



Therapy for a Vampire (Austria/Switzerland/German dialogue with English subtitles/87 min)

Vampires used to live in far-off, hard-to-pronounce European countries, wealthy aristocrats living in isolation. Now, thanks to Twilight, they’re slicked with hair gel and glow like disco balls when they step in the sun.

David Reuhm’s Therapy for a Vampire is both a homage to, as well as taking the piss out of, the lavish bloodsucker films starring Bela Lugosi or Christopher Lee. The cinematography is gorgeous; it’s as if Tim Burton had directed Bram Stoker’s Dracula rather than Francis Ford Coppola; a Victorian costume drama with the German impressionism of F.W. Murnau’s Nosferatu.

You can tell all the actors had fun during filming; there’s no scale on earth that can measure how camp the performances are here. Plenty of laughs come from how over-the-top Tobias Moretti and Jeanette Hain (as Count and Countess von Kösznöm) are whenever they’re onscreen.

Therapy for a Vampire is a lot of fun, at no point will you be fidgeting, or glancing at your watch. While there is minute-after-minute of visual gags that will make you smile and laugh-out-loud, you walk away feeling that Reuhm could have done more, really gone for the jugular (excuse the pun). Interview with the Vampire, for instance, takes itself so seriously, it’s begging to have the mickey mercilessly taken out of it. There are a couple of inventive jokes – fountains of blood spray across the screen as Countess von Kösznöm chomps into a victim, then realises she’s hardly drank anything – you just wish the laughs were always that smart.

3 out of 5

Monday, 28 January 2013

Review: The Last Stand (UK Cert 15)


Arnold Schwarzenegger has returned to our screens in the last few years in The Expendables movies, but in those he appeared in a cameo and as part of the ensemble of action movie legends. Here however Schwarzenegger is most definitely back, back in a starring hero role, in a film that ticks every box for it to be classed as a classic action movie.

The film revolves around a very low key premise – Schwarzenegger is the sheriff of a small town near the Mexican border. It's a sleepy place, the most crime he has to worry about is locals parking in front of the fire hydrant! A major drug cartel baron has escaped from the FBI (led by Forest Whitaker); the baron is making his way for the border in a stolen high speed concept car. Of course, one town is in between him and the border..... Schwarzeneggerville!

The film, like I said, has a very simple premise, which to be honest is a great thing for his return to the genre after a decade in politics. Schwarzenegger was last seen in a starring role in 2003's Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines. Here, he plays a down-to-earth man, a sheriff who has a real sense for his community – but of course he wasn't always a town sheriff and has a specialised past just for this occasion. He plays a man who has retired essentially to this slow paced town. This is an ideal role for an ageing action giant, he delivers one liners with the same gusto he always has and its a joy to see him on the big screen again.

Schwarzenegger is supported by a great mix of a cast. We have, as his deputies, a mix of character actors from all types of genre. Johnny Knoxville plays the town's gun enthusiast nut (not that much acting involved); from Marvel's Thor, we have Jamie Alexander as a strong willed female deputy, who is a crack shot with a rifle. The villains are also played to great ham level: Peter Stormare is great as the Barons second-in-command who terrorises the town to great effect and there's a blink-and-you-miss-him cameo by Alien star Harry Dean Stanton!

The film itself is a fun filled experience, the tension of the incoming confrontation as the drug baron gets ever closer is so well handled and the early skirmishes with his men in the surrounding area of the town help build you to the confrontation at the end of the film. The whole film has a modern western feel and its so great to see Schwarzenegger back to his best – I would recommend this for any action fan. If Arnold Schwarzenegger films are not your cup of tea.... then why go? But if you do love his films then this is a welcome return to the big screen.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Rhys